Posts Tagged ‘confrontation’

Just say no

Day 10 – Giving Up My Overcommitment Tendency

Today’s post is about those of us who overcommit. We can’t seem to say “no” to anything or anyone. Why is that? I’ve thoughtfully come up with a few reasons…

Reason #1 – Sometimes I overcommit to things because I don’t want to miss out on anything or feel left out. That may be my insecurity creeping in again. “I have to help with that funeral dinner because I may learn something about someone I didn’t know,” or “I’ll be the assistant to the assistant to the WM Director because then I’ll feel important.” Now I may not verbalize these things, but they could be an underlying concern.

Reason #2 – I don’t want people to be disappointed with me. Every single day I struggle with this one. I mean it. Every. Day. I like to be the “fixer” in relationships. That’s prideful. I admit it. I think I have everything together so I’ll fix whatever is wrong with you. Holy buckets! That was hard to write. But so true. I’m really working on this one. Trying to let people be themselves, make mistakes, and even be disappointed in me. In Elsa’s famous words – “let it go.”

Reason #3 – I have a hard time saying “no” without feeling guilty (Reference yesterday’s blog about giving up guilt). Liking people + not liking confrontation = peacemaker with insecurity issues. Maybe it’s a middle child thing. No matter the cause, I almost always say “yes” when someone asks me to fill in, do this, do that. But I’m learning and I’m going to do better. Don’t call me.

I do like to help people when they’re in need. And what I’m doing I really enjoy. I was trying to write specific things I’ve done to give assistance but I don’t want people to think I’m picking on them for asking me for help. Please – that’s not what this is about. This is about me…ha. Now – that really sounds good, doesn’t’ it.

This isn’t about multi-tasking or juggling necessary functions in life. What it all boils down to is creating margin in my life. Margins on a sheet of printed paper are useful. First, they look good. They give the printed page a nice area to be set apart. Secondly, you can fill those margins with little notes or doodles as you need to. Adds a little flair to the whole page. But if you print your life from the very edge on the left to the very edge on the right, top to bottom…you don’t have anywhere to doodle. Analogy aside, margin allows you the ability to be flexible so if something really does need to be done, you have the time, energy, resources and strength to take care of it. Ultimately I need to stop committing to every request so I can create a little space to relax and enjoy life.

This blog reflects what I’ve especially been dealing with today. No more overcommitting. Whatever I’ve said “yes” to in the past, I’ll follow through with. That’s what my mom and dad taught me. But I’m going to re-think future commitments because life’s too short to print to the very edge.

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